Why I don't make New Year's Resolutions anymore

First off,  A Happy New Year  to you. I wish you happiness, health and a brilliant 2012.

I have been thinking about my goals for 2012, and am feeling quite excited about them. In September, I will again be trekking through the mountains of Transylvania to raise funds for the WSPA Bear Sanctuary. It is my intention to be much fitter than I was last year. Another goal is that by the end of 2012, Guilt Free and Fabulous will have become a strong community of people who are living their lives healthily, happily and without guilt, having realised that they all really are fabulous to start with.

I was given a beautiful diary for Christmas, and I am looking forward to writing my goals in it and using it to make sure that I am on track with them. For years and years, I used to make New Year Resolutions. I was very ambitious in my ideas, and the list would read something like this:

From 1st January:

I won't drink too much

I'll give up smoking

I'll give up chocolate, cake, and biscuits and chips

I won't be untidy

I won't spend too much money

All of these resolutions would have been written during the Christmas holidays when January 1st seemed light-years away. I would party  and indulge in a few chocolates as I wrote my list. I always believed that something magical would happen on January 1st that would turn me into someone completely different to who I am, someone who had an iron will and who had suddenly developed the willpower to give up just about everything that they enjoyed.

Of course, midnight would come and I would be partying, and realistically, (I told myself), January 1st really starts when I wake up. So it was time for another few pints of lager, a huge glass of Baileys, a packet of cigarettes and a quick look for the nearest bowl of snacks.  Fast forward 7 hours, and I would wake up hung-over, thirsty and in need of several thousand calories of fatty and high carb foods before I could even think of facing the world. Of course, the headache, dry throat and unquenchable thirst would not stop me reaching for a cigarette or 10!

Maybe tomorrow would be the time for the resolutions, I thought, and then, on 2nd January, the discovery of a packet of Christmas biscuits and a tin of Quality Street, previously overlooked in favour of more immediately appealing chocolates, would suddenly become irresistible. Just one or two won't hurt, and of course one or two became the box and the whole tin. At that point, I would remember where the emergency packet of cigarettes (in case the all night garage ever run out) was. That was the time I would tell myself that I had no willpower, that I hadn't changed as the New Year came in, and would forget about the resolutions until the next time. Then I would breathe a sigh of relief and it would be business as normal, until the following December when I would be heavier and more unfit than ever, and the whole cycle would begin again.

Looking back, I can now see that I was always setting myself up for failure. By focusing on what I couldn't or shouldn't have, I was putting too much pressure on myself, and also was trying to force myself into a life of deprivation of a lot of my favourite things without putting anything in their place.  Above all, they were all resolutions that I thought I ought to make. They were not personal to me, and I never felt really committed to them. There had to be a better way.

Eight years ago, I stopped smoking, I still believe that it is probably the best thing I could ever have done for my health. I didn't do it on January 1st, I did it on April 12th. That year, I did not make a New Year's Resolution to give up smoking . I set a goal that,      by the end of the year, I would be a non-smoker. I thought a lot about the positive ways my life would improve by being a non-smoker. Also, I realised that it was a very big thing for me, and that I wanted some help. I went to a chemist that was offering support and took all the help I could in the way of patches and weekly meetings.

The following January, I thought about how I had stopped smoking, and I realised that if I could do that, I could do anything. That's when I stopped making resolutions and started setting goals instead. It is much more fun, and rather than pinning everything on one day of the year, it means that positive plans can be made. So instead of saying I am going to give up something, I think about what I want instead.

Now let's raise a glass to a wonderful Guilt Free and Fabulous year!

Seeing it how it is.

In a recent visit to my mum, she gave me some old photos. It was with some trepidation that I looked at them. I knew that they were of me and my lovely dad who passed away 16 years ago.  However, once I had looked at them and shed a few tears over my lovely Dad, I was shocked.

At the time the photos were taken I was about 27 years old. I worked in London, and my memories of that time were of feeling completely inadequate not just about my weight, but also my looks. I remember going to social events and always feeling that I was the ugly duckling of the group. On the outside, I was bubbly and talkative, mainly because I always made sure that I had a couple of drinks before I went out. On the inside, however, I was shy, introverted and always felt that everyone else was better than me in looks, personality and particularly in body size.

It was a time in my life when I worked hard and played hard. I had a good job and a lot of friends, most of whom would have been very surprised to learn how I felt about my body.  I come from a brilliant family and have always shared great times and lots of laughter with them. My Dad, although never huge, had issues with being a little overweight, and together we would try all sorts of diets and exercise programmes. These would usually end with an all you can eat buffet, several drinks,  and a sense that the diet just wasn't working for us.

So back to the photos. The biggest shock to me was that staring back at me from these photos was a babe! A good looking young woman, but not just that, a SLIM good looking young woman! All those years of feeling angst about my looks and body shape, and there all along I was already who I thought I wanted to be!

The really sad thing, however, is that because at the time I did not feel slim or pretty, I made it into a self fulfilling prophecy and gradually gained weight until the outer image fitted the inner image. So started a battle with my weight that still exists today.

However, even though I now weigh considerably more than I did in those photos, I feel that my weight issues have been resolved. I am much more confident about how I look than I ever was, and my weight is coming down slowly but surely, and has been for a good few months.

My weight does not stop me from doing anything anymore,  and I am comfortable in my own skin. I want to lose the excess weight because I know that I will be even healthier if I do. I also know that, with the changes I have made in my lifestyle and the habits that I am gradually adopting, by the end of 2012 I will again be my ideal weight. The difference this time is that I will be happy and content with how much I weigh and how I look.

However, I am not waiting until I see that magic number on the scales to live my life. I am living my life right now, and although I will never again be that 27 year old babe,  I do know that now I am completely fabulous!